A spiritual leader of mine once told me when I was going through a traumatic experience in my life to “just be broken & get it over with”.
I was hardening myself to soften the blow of the experience. Stuffing hurt & rejection down, ignoring it pretty much. Going through the business as usual routines with a mask, refusing to “FEEL” the pain.
Friends who knew what I was going through would often ask “how are you?” The kind of how are you that is really heart felt, not the kind one says as a cordiality. I would respond “great” and honestly I believed that. I felt strong because I was able to function regularly in a time of “crisis”. I didn’t take Time off work or fall apart under the pressure. I took pride in that. But God wanted me at a place humility, not pride.
I liken it to someone who is having an accident, like a leg amputation and adrenalin rushes to get them through the initial trauma. I was walking around in a state of constant shock. Numb, glazed over, seeming oblivious to what I had undergone.
Then months and months later it all hit me one day. “Moving forward” by Israel was playing on Pandora & something just “broke” inside me. I crumbled to the floor sobbing uncontrollably & immediately following that song “Closer” by Bethel came on and the verses ministered to my wounded soul. “I want to know your heart, I want to know your heart”…
It was like The Lord was speaking to me saying “now that you are broken.. I can heal you.” The potter wants a soft vessel to mold and shape. If you act like you are ok, there is no need for God. It is at the same place of brokenness where you also can become whole.
God wanted me at a place of complete dependence on Him. My failure to acknowledge I was hurting and needed healing delayed the process.
I heard a story once of a man who was injured by a boat. The propellor practically cut him to pieces. He said the healing process was more painful than the actual trauma. So too was this true in my case.
There is nothing glamorous about the healing process. The process is ugly, it hurts, it’s uncomfortable, you will have to do things you don’t want to do. So just accept it & get over it in the beginning. Resistance will only delay the healing process. Cooperate with your healing and it will go well with you.
To access the Healer, you must first recognize you are broken. So just be broken and get it over with!
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